Ann blogs: I am not changing

Have you ever felt the need to go some other place and be there for the remaining time of your life, or felt the need to sleep and wake no more? what are these all about? is this a feeling that normal persons feel, or a feeling that persons in search often have? i didn't know but it has been for long that i have felt such feeling. it was unlikely that i feel such things coz i was not like that before. i keep telling myself that i am not changing but it isn't true. i didn't know how it all happened. but maybe what i want is some other things which until now i could not have. if there's one good attitude that i had before, it's patience. my father would have knock my head because of this. maybe, that's it, i miss my father so much... been almost 5 years he was not around. whenever i think of him, i just cried. i am not so talkative as person, i am mostly quiet. i usually talked to people whom i trust, and my father was the first person that i did trust. when he was gone, it seemed i lose my structure. he had been my guide since i became independent as a child. during my grade 2, i already have my room separate from my brothers and sisters. it sometimes made me think that i was different from them. i am independent as a child but there was someone i looked up to. but then, he was gone... what i did to be happy, i always find company of people whom my father used to be with. then, i tried to replace him in some of his responsibilities like taking over as a board of trustee in the school that he had founded with his friends. then, posing as the family boss to help mom guide my siblings bcoz my kuya would want to pursue his law career. these are the things i had done to be happy only to realize that i was not as effective..

But now, i have known what i really wanted. i would want to be with someone who would like to know me as a person and not just as someone who is performing her duty. there is an irony in my life, i am with people (my family and friends) but i feel lonely. then someone came, and for the first time after so many years, makes me feel i am a child again who needs his protection and love... i pray that this will not stop... just have this life if i can have it...coz for the first time after so many years, i am happy again.