Gee blogs: Our Dinning Table (My Loneliest Moment)

BBK gave us a nice but NOT-SO-EASY activity: Share Your Loneliest Moment...

It took me days to think about where and how should I start and actually, I planned not to submit this activity but nahiya naman ako sa other VH na nakapag submit na.

So, Finally, here I am, typing my MOST LONELIEST MOMENT.

Four years ago, my Tito Jun, who left our house for years finally got home. He worked on our province kasi. Siya nga pala yung nag alaga samin ng brother ko when we're small. We're so happy, yet sad because we found out na medyo humina yung pandinig niya because of his work. And also, he was sooo thin and he had this illness called Tuberculosis. Nakakaawa. He borrowed money from his neighbor pa para lang makaluwas. So, pinagamot namin siya. My brother and I treated him na parang ka-age lang and parang walang dapat ikabahala. But there was a time na I was super focused on my highschool life and it's like, nakakalimutan kong meron pa pala akong family. Good thing naging super close sila ng brother ko.

One night, September 1, 2003, I got home from school. When I saw them sa window, My Dad, My Dada, My Brother and My Uncle were watching PBA then and they we're very entertained. "This night must be a fine night ", I said to my self. Dinner time na. When we were eating, biniro pa ako ni Tito Jun and himala, hindi yata ako masungit nun. Then, minutes lang yung gap, lumabas yung brother ko and he saw him, floating on his own blood. He screamed "Ma, si Tito! si Tito!", lumabas ako and I yelled also, as load as I can. " Tulong!!! Tulungan niyo kami!". First time kong makakita ng isang taong madugo. My mom was hysterical at that moment. We didn't know what should we do kasi nga, shocked kami! It's very unexpected. Good thing some of our neighbors helped us. They rushed him to the nearest hospital while dada, hanz and I were waiting sa house. Tatay Efren went to our house, nakabihis na kami ng brother ko nun, and supposed to be, pupunta kami dun sa Hospital but sabi niya "San kayo pupunta?". I said " Pupunta kami kay Tito Jun. Ginagamot lang naman yung sugat niya diba?". Then, he replied, "Wala na ang Tito niyo, Patay na". May certain artery daw na napatid while he was coughing. And yung iba, hindi ko na inalam. That was the first time na namatayan kami ng super close relative. It's so painful.

I said to myself, sana pala, nilubos-lubos ko na yung pakikipag-bonding sa kanya. Sana pala, hindi ko sila madalas sinusungitan. But I was still thakful kasi atleast, Lord gave us another year to spend time w/ each other.

Then, a year and a half after my Dada (my mother's father) was diagnosed w/ LUNG CANCER. Stage 4 na nung nalaman namin, and 6 months na lang daw yung longest. It's very hard for us kasi, medyo fresh pa rin samin yung nangyari kay Tito Jun. My Dada, siya rin yung nag-alaga saminng brother ko. And he's the most patient grandfather. Well, bata pa lang super spoiled ako sa kanya. Ayaw niya akong pagtrabahuhin sa house kasi daw nag-aaral ako. He's very nice. but, I admit sometimes, I'm not a good granddaughter to him. Mainitin kasi ulo ko.

We didn't tell him actually na CANCER yung sakit niya, kasi, feeling namin, hindi siya makiki cooperate samin. Sinabi niya kasi before na if magkaka-cancer, wag na namin siya ipagamot.

Ilang gabi akong di nakakatulog kasi ako yung nagbabantay sa kanya. Nung wala pa siyang oxygen, he was depending sa air that comes from my fan. Grabe, everytime na dumadating yung truck na nagdedeliver ng oxygen tank niya, naluluha ako. And sa tuwing minsan, nag-iisip bata siya nagpapasensiya na lang ako kagaya nang pagpapasensiya niya sa amin kapar matigas ang ulo namin. Mahirap! halos naging hospital na yung house namin. Pero okay lang and hindi kami naniniwala sa dun sa 6 months na yun. Sabi nga ng dad ko, may herbal medicines pa daw kami, and may Diyos. Yup, iyon yung time na naging pinaka-close ako kay God. Sa tuwing hnahapo siya, and sa tuwing hinhahagod ng mom ko yung likod niya, lagi niyang sinasabi "Diyos ko, sana po bigyan niyo pa po ako ng maraming taon". Naala ko pa nga, we were always saying " Laban ka lang dada, kaya mo yan!". And yun nga yung ginawa niya.

March 23, 2005, 2:00am. wala ng silbi yung oxygen tank niya. Hindi na namin alam yung gagawin. natulog siya, then pagkagising niya, naghanap agad siya ng food. Bilisan ko daw kasi gutom na gutom na siya. Madaling araw nun so noodles na lang yung niluto namin, and iyak na ng iyak si mommy kasi daw nagbabaon na daw siya...

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Napaka haba ng day na iyon. Ayoko na siyang idetalye.... basta, in the end, kitang kita namin na lumalaban talaga siya, kahit di na kaya ng katawan niya. That time, feeling ko, I was soooo selfish kasi hindi ko inisip na nahihirapan na talaga siya kaya ng pray ako, sabi ko if talagang hindi na pwede, kunin na niya siya kasi hira na hirap na siya. 10:00pm, he passed away.

Maraming tumulong sa amin........

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One day, my 5 year old kinakapatid went to our house (pinag-alaga ako ng mom ko!). Then, she was counting our chairs sa dinning table. " One, two, three, four... Bat four na lang? Ahhhh... kasi wala na si Tito Jun saka si Dada kaya four na lang yung chairs niyo". Natawa ako dun kasi ang cute niya but, I immediately went to my room and cried. OO nga, 4 na lang kami sa house, wala na yung mga nag-alaga samin ng brother ko. Hindi man lang kami nakabawi. Kaya pala dati, may isang time na habang kumakain kaming 6 (7 pala plus our maid), tahimik lang ako ang I was like cherishing that moment. Yung mga dark times namin na iyon, hindi iniisip na malungkot ako but that scene really made me lonely; realizing that we'll never be 6 again.

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WE MISS YOU DADA AND TITO JUN! I MISS YOU!