Ann blogs: wrong decisions

I am always wondering how many wrong decisions I have made in my life. I do not want to sound negative counting such decisions, it just make me realize how life become life with its wrongness. we make mistakes but somehow these mistakes make life more exciting, an adventure, and bit by bit a learning experience for all to endure.

it has been my childhood dream to become a surgeon, an ophthalmologist. i had vowed to become one because when I was still young, my father got blind. he had a glaucoma and a disease called retinitis pigmentosa. things did not turn out the way i had dreamt to be. just after i graduated in my undergrad when i still had hopes to enter med scul did my father pass away. i did not have the courage to find a way to start a medical study because of the circumstance. we had to find a family arrangement that we thought would be suitable for all of us. there were lots of problems, both psychological and financial because my mother used to spend their marriage life as a housekeeper. for that fact she was not prepared to take over. our eldest brother pursued his law studies and i as the second eldest became the eldest in a sense. the experience had taught me to become responsible at age 22. but then i did not realize that i cud not be as effective to manage all the responsibilities. i made many wrong decisions which during the time I did not realize would not have good effects in the future. the repercussions of such lag in responsibilities i still felt today. it was just inescapable. these things have to be faced head on though. before moving to another phase, had still to finish. i would have to be positive in the times to come and should learn to channel the negative energies i had inside. i miss the cheerful and funny side of me. i did, unlike the cool and passive outside appearance i used to have now. that was what i lost in the experience but which I was trying to regain. few people did try to unleash that childish part in me, but never lasted. I miss the warm feeling. i would have to make decisions again but this time, I had to ensure that my decisions would not turn me into a stone. the decisions have to shape me into a living plant which can breathe, take water, and feel sunlight. being human is having those needs, and tasting the goodness of living despite unsuitable circumstances. i would have to start dreaming...